I am a man. I have pockets. It’s all I need to carry my phone, wallet, and keys.
Just pockets – this wonderful invention that you can’t leave home without. Unless you forget to put on clothes. In which case, your problems run much deeper!
When I leave the house with my 3-year-old son, Noah, there are a few additional items, I admit. I take his water bottle, a diaper, and some wet wipes (just in case it gets industrial down there!). With that, we’re off.
It’s simple. It’s liberating. I am not weighed down with more than what I need. But… this is just one half of the story.
Meet the handbag that defies the space-time continuum. A bag that holds EVERYTHING. No, I really mean that. Go on, test it.
You can ask for anything – and it will be retrieved. From my observations, the item will ALWAYS be somewhere down in the depths of the bag.
By depths, I mean way beyond the spare clothes, umbrella, mobile phone, charger, wet-wipes, first aid kit, snacks, novel, reading glasses, loose change, tampons, make-up, face mask, hand gel, sanitiser wipes, pens, notebook, perfume, pain killers, stones Noah has picked up, diapers, water, sun-cream, shades, sun hat, spare pair of shoes…
Somewhere past the Blackhole of the 8th Dimension, arm-deep towards a far-reaching corner (by the purse needed at checkout) an item will be found and delivered to the surface!
Meet my wife’s handbag.
My late Nan had a similar Tardis from which anything could be summoned. She always prided herself on this feat. It was like a badge of honour that she had everything. I used to spend time thinking up tests for her.
Gum? (With no teeth, what need would she have to chew it?)
-Here it is.
Pocket knife? (She was in her late 70s at the time).
-Yes, I have one in my bag.
WHAAAT? I am not even going to ask!!!
But I shouldn’t have been surprised: this was an old lady who slept with an axe by her bed.
No, you grizzly lot, it’s not what you’re thinking.
It was to break her window with, in case of a fire!
No matter what I asked, it WAS always there in her handbag. She liked to be prepared for any need. To Nan, this was liberating.
This is my wife’s handbag; its volume of contents does not plausibly (possibly even scientifically) fit the bag capacity.
But here’s the really special thing.
When we’re out together and I’m hungry, out pops a snack.
If our son falls and cuts his knee, out comes a Band-Aid.
When I come out of a shop balancing my purchases in my arms (Look, I’m never going to buy a 5p plastic bag no matter how high I balance my tower of items) a spare bag is produced from inside the handbag.
Hang on, I need to pause…. a bag inside a bag? Now my head hurts…. But I digress.
My son and I are liberated and not weighed down not despite the handbag but because of it. Or rather because my wife always makes sure that she has not just what she needs – but anything that we both might ask for, too.
Thank you, wifey. I know that you are “practically perfect in every way” but even you cannot fit a full-length mirror, a pot plant, and a lamp in that bag!!
Help comes in many forms. It may be a handbag full of thoughtful items put there by a loved one – or it maybe someone helping you to not get weighed down.
Simply contact me for chat.
A painless chat.
No handbag bashing involved.